alexcinderpelt

Decided to pick up photography and learn all the instruments!!!! *insert witty meme here* gunna be posting that monochrome nature stuff my friends and occasional color but I prefer black and white cause it's interesting to look at. Doing the typical author thing where I say I'm almost done but I'm not and also the thing where I say I need a brake and then hop back on something immediately. Will drop some poems and sweet sweet black and white photography and I've decided that this little book project thing of mine shall be named: Memories, For When I Am.

got book stuff going on, and dealing with some personal struggles, in other words my emotions are getting to me again and I need some time away from most things, I'll be back though after book compiling stuff and well other things.....

Hey......don't know who I'm "Hey'ing" to but ok :3 XD um let'see.....oh right just leaving this saying that I'm working hard on sketches and stuff and gunna drop some lines on here sometime soon but it's that time where every grade in school starts studying for finals and Virginia Standards of Learning (SOL) testing (it sucks),but i rock socks at history and science so yeah just need to barley pass the gee-i'm-a-tree SOL (geometry for the less punny peeps) and I'll be fine. so yeah gunna put up a sketch or two and drop a couple paragraphs of lines and when I say lines I mean verses and when I say verses I mean poems (getting really good at Slam actually!). also last thing deciding between three titles for my book (which I've found is about various things from my life and childhood so far,which is neat!) I'll leave you with one title: Memories, Specifically, (For) When I Am. I like that one actually......

I haven't been feeling right lately, not quite sure as to why but it seems like every year or every other year I get really depressed around the months of late February, March, April.......which is usually when I have the most free time to write stuff and learn my languages, which really impacts how I write since I usually write about what's going on/what's happened in my life or about new interests or people or concepts. Don't get me wrong I'm usually a very friendly and happy person that likes to mess with all his friends, usually poking and making fox noises or pawing at peoples shoulders cause I can cause people tolerate my shenanigans and I still do despite how I feel on the inside and I let people know "hey I'm not feelin very upbeat lately but I'm trying to, so if I look down bring me back up" and you know I'm still not very good at telling people what's wrong with me but I try my best cause I'm trying hard to be the person I want to be most and I'm halfway there! I've been really hungry lately for the past month or so, school lunch just does not cut it and is a bucket of BS cause the only line I can get into quick enough is the pizza line and when I get the food I rarely eat it and sometimes I don't get breakfast at all so I'm pretty much tired on top of being hungry and fatigued from hunger.... It's like when I'm hungry I want to eat but don't feel like eating until I remember that eating is important if I don't want to die or someone offers me food which I'm usually bothering and pawing at peoples shoulders for during school hours when it's after lunch, of which (the pawing and poking) I'm usually doing when I want attention cause attention and happiness is basically what I run on and I need lots of it cause I get bored extremely quick and extremely easily and I believe the offensive descriptive term would be an "attention whore" which is fine I'm very tolerant of idiots and the like, words can't bring me down unless they're directed at personal matters or the people I care about and that's when someone will be missing some limbs. Back to the main thing, I just really don't know what's going on and people might say "oh it's nothing your a teen it happens" well 1) no not with me it doesn't 2) I hate being stereotypical and stereotyped and 3) I have no reason to be typical because I'm smarter and better than that. Maybe I need a psychiatrist.....actually no they'd lock me up in a mental home or keep me on constant drugs and trust me been there done that and refused to talk or say anything during that time...... I just feel like some part of me is just done and needs to get away from the all day everyday same stuff cycle and it feels like this everyday I wake up and ask myself is this a dream and what have I done wrong? and for the first time in my life I genuinely feel something might be going wrong in the upstairs because I'm not sleeping well or don't get enough sleep even on weekends when I sleep early it feels like I get nothing, I'm not eating well barely 2 meals a day and personally I usually have around 4 to 5 a day, it constantly feels like I'm crying "phantom tears" because I feel a non existent flow coming down from my eyes onto my cheeks, it just feels like my heart is broken and nothing will fix it in a long while not even the people I care for. Maybe I will consult a doctor or a shrink or a friend......maybe all these secrets, lies, memories, tendencies, habits, and items I do not legally own or have "accidentally borrowed" from places I've been like the mall. wish me luck even if you don't know me and like a friend of mine always tells me "don't hurt yourself or kill yourself your better than that and i wouldn't be able to cope"

So my experience so far or should i say my past experience, has been pretty stressful and crappy especially because of the questions such as: "hey what are you writing can i read it" (well simple answer for that one "No unless you can read my very illegible handwriting that so far only few including my teachers can read i suggest you don't" and trust me it's like i mashed print and cursive(thus the name printsive)together and like the saying "goes seeing is believing"), "you're still writing that book/thing/stupid thing?" (well if it was stupid wouldn't i have stopped by now?), "hey can i see it/can i watch you write?" when it comes to THAT (those to be honest)one i get very.....very......very....VERY paranoid.....why? because A.the world is filled with jealous haters that just wanna rip all your stuff to shreds to bring you down for their own gain, B. it's highly annoying and makes me forget the lines i was ABOUT to write like when, mind my language,some douche nugget waltzes up and starts asking these questions and just sits there and repeats the same thing over and over again, C. i don't want to go to prison/juvenile detention for attempted murder and assault, trust me i keep myself in check so i don't murder some innocent person's face off. yup that's what it's like so far when i'm bothered, so unless i want to show you please don't make me have a psychotic breakdown, or give me a headache, or make me feel embarrassed i really don't need to put up with that and it makes me forget A LOT of things. so when anyone sees these please need to know information questions only. Thank you =^-^=